Sonic and the Secret Rings

Well. Anyone who rated this game anywhere close to decent doesn't deserve to have more than one testicle.

I don't use pictures like Damon because it takes too long.

The gameplay is insultingly elementary, the music hurts my ears (although the option for Japanese voices does help), the graphics are meh like most Wii games, and I'm scared to try the party games.

The game has a similar control scheme as Kirby Air Ride, which should be enough reason to stop playing right there. You tilt left or right to move to either side of your lane, and from there you can either brake or jump. Jumping gives you the extra option to attack a foe if they're within lock-on range, which doesn't feel very smooth. In fact, none of the controls feel smooth. After playing for about an hour and a half, I still can't accurately control Sonic the way I can with a joystick, which actually says a lot if you remember how often he'd come to a complete stop by touching the walls.

And of course the story sucks. None of the cutscenes are worth watching. They're not even in full motion. Images just slide by and you hear dialogue. It's worse than your average generic Sonic story. Then you finally get to the tutorial bits and it takes forever for them to teach you that pressing the jump button longer allows you to jump higher. Despite its simplicity, the tutorial is actually somewhat of a challenge because of the inaccurate controls. I had to do the lock-on attack mission like 5 times, which is more than any of the main story missions that I did.

Oh yeah, even navigating the main menu is belittling. It's so basic I'm insulted. I can't even talk about this game anymore. 3 out of 10. It passes for a complete game at least.

I just remembered. The opening scene doesn't look too bad. It was almost good enough to believe that I was playing on a next-gen console, but then I remembered the God of War cutscenes and then I was sad again. It did have about 3 seconds of slow motion though, and slow motion always makes things better, even if they focused in on letters. 300 is proof.

Edit: My brother got the game for his birthday. I wasn't really considering it myself. Wario Ware is pretty fun though. Not the best Wario Ware, but still fun.